At first, it used to bother me. I was just trying to be nice. Just trying to share this little hour of absolute amazingness with my significant other. And yet, 99% of the time when I asked him to go with me, the answer I got was “No.” What the hell, man?
If you’re wondering now what I’m talking about, it’s yoga. My husband will not go to yoga with me. I dragged him there a couple times until he finally told me why he didn’t want to go after I practically gave up on asking him. The reason he doesn’t like to go is because it’s “my thing”.
So, after considering it for awhile, I realized that it’s actually really sweet of him! It is my thing. It is an activity I get to do on my own, with my community, with my friends, where it’s just me.
Everybody is different, so the activities will vary. In my case, yoga is my thing and golf is his thing. You won’t find me riding shotgun in his golf cart every weekend. No, thank you. But, your thing might be walking through the neighborhood and bike riding or dancing and running. Whatever it is, have something for yourself that you can go to that’s yours. Where you can be on your own and have your space.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t use yoga to get away from him. Not once have I gone to it with that intention.
In relationships, people sometimes think, “Ok. This is it. We’re shackled together for life. It’s not just me anymore, it’s us, always.” I beg to differ. You are you and your partner is your partner.
Together, you create an indescribable partnership that only you two will understand. You both fell in love with each other because of who you both are, what your interests are, what your likes and dislikes are, etc. Keep that. Keep everything it is you enjoy even if your partner doesn’t. Those are the things that you can come home and share with your partner. Share what you learned, what you thought, what you hated and what you loved about it. Having those individual activities is what makes your relationship grow and transform.
I am not one to tell anybody how to treat their relationship. I am speaking and coming from a place of truth and my own personal experience. What works for me may not work for you. There are going to be a lot of couples that like and prefer to do things together and maybe they have always been that way. There are other people that are perfectly content with being on their own and need their space.
For me, being on my own and being in a unified relationship works really great. I can see the joy and excitement he gets when he tells me about his game of golf and he can see how fired up I am when I tell him about one of the best yoga classes I’ve taken. Those two things are so special to us and it’s perfectly fine that I don’t enjoy golf as much as he does. Golf is his yoga. That’s his thing. I have nothing but respect for that.
So next time your partner doesn’t want to join you for a night of yoga, running, or pilates or whatever it is that you love to do, try to take it as a good thing. That’s your time you get to connect back with yourself and what’s not amazing about that?