Don Miguel Ruiz takes his interpretation of Toltec wisdom explained beautifully in his previous work, “The Four Agreements” and applies these concepts to the realm of human relationships. Ruiz has a straightforward writing style that is very accessible and a delight to read numerous times.
You can finish this book in just one sitting, yet it’s profound truths have the potential to alter how you view loving relationships as well as your relationship with yourself. You will reflect on failed relationships and ultimately be able to diagnose the detrimental behaviors that led to its demise. It will teach you how to notice when fear blows out the flame of love and light and steers you away from the warmth and joy that is your birthright.
He says that all relationships start with you, and how you feel about yourself. You will allow just as much abuse and what he calls, “emotional poison” as you inflict upon yourself. Self love, which is so lacking in most of us, is the key to thriving in a partnership with another person. He shows us how to heal our emotional wounds, recover the freedom and joy, and restore the spirit of playfulness that is vital to loving relationships.
“You can be aware that when your partner gets upset, gets sad or jealous, it’s not the one you love that you are dealing with at the moment. It’s a Parasite that is possessing your partner.”
Ruiz compares the ideal relationship to the one we have with our pet. The relationship with our dog is perfect because we get exactly what we expect from our dog. We never wish that our dog would be better at being a dog, and we love it freely just as it is. Yet with our mate we tend not to accept them as they are, we expect them to be different, to act in ways they would not naturally act.
Then we are unhappy with them. We think we are in love with them, but really become obsessed with how want them to be. He says that we do not truly accept this person we say we love because we don’t accept ourselves.
“It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, you are never going to be what that person wants you to be.”
Ruiz tell us that we hunt for love because we don’t have it. We don’t have it within ourselves. We hunt for love from other people who also don’t love themselves and are also on the love hunt. Then we are surprised and upset that we don’t get the love we want from them, and they feel the same.
We know that when we are born we have an infinite amount of love inside us. Ruiz aligns with the fact that we have been conditioned to think otherwise. We are all born beautiful, loving creatures. What makes us different are the polluted institutions about beauty that have been decided for us by someone else. This book will help you rewire your mind to love you and everyone else as they are.
Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:
“We were born in this society, we grew up in this society. And we learn to be like everyone else, playing nonsense all the time.”
“The manifestation of the disease of fear is anger, hate, sadness, envy, and hypocrisy; the result of the disease is all the emotions that make humans suffer.”
“And what is the right woman, the right man? Someone who wants to go in the same direction as you do, someone who is compatible with your views and your values– emotionally, physically, economically, spiritually.”
“You have to focus on the most wonderful relationship you can have: the relationship with yourself. It is not about being selfish; it is about self-love.”
“Let go of the past and begin everyday at a higher level of love.”
“There are humans versus humans in a jungle of predators; humans full of judgment, full of blame, full of guilt, full of emotional poison — envy, anger, hate, sadness, suffering. We create all these little demons in our mind because we have learned to dream hell in our own life.”
“Surrender all those ideas about being what you are not, and become what you really are.”